We make assumptions. Always!

How often do you make assumptions about someone else without even realizing it? In this blog post, you’ll learn how assumptions both help and limit us, and what you can do to make room for genuine connection.

“Stay curious. You might be wrong.”
– Attributed to Kathryn Schulz

We all do it...

We see someone walking with their gaze averted and think, “They probably don’t want to interact.”
A client cancels an appointment: “He’s not motivated.”
A neighbor responds curtly: “She doesn’t like me.”

Without even realizing it, we make assumptions. All day long. We draw conclusions, fill in the blanks, and think we know what the other person means. That’s very human—we all do it. In fact, our brains are wired that way. But especially when we’re working with people or trying to strengthen our own network, these assumptions can really get in the way.

What do you take for granted without even realizing it?

An assumption is a thought or conclusion we draw without consciously checking whether it’s correct. It’s a kind of mental shortcut. It’s useful, because we can’t constantly analyze everything. But the faster we jump to conclusions, the greater the chance that we’re wrong. And then assumptions become obstacles to connection, trust, and collaboration.

So what are beliefs?

In addition to assumptions, there are beliefs—deeper ideas about how the world works. They arise from upbringing, experiences, and culture. Consider, for example:

• "You have to fend for yourself."
• "Asking for help is a sign of weakness."
• "If someone really wants to, they can do it."

These beliefs guide our behavior. They provide a sense of stability, but they can also limit us, especially in social relationships. They cause us to withdraw, not ask for help, or not give others the space to support us.

Assumptions in Your Social Network: Who Are You (Unintentionally) Excluding?

When interacting with others, assumptions are especially powerful. We think:

• "My neighbor has enough on his plate already."
• "I'm sure she doesn't want to have coffee with me."
• "He won't be able to help me."

And so we say nothing. We ask nothing. We don’t reach out.
Without even realizing it, we distance ourselves. This creates silences, missed opportunities—and sometimes feelings of loneliness—even though, in reality, there are often more people around us than we realize.

 What does science say?

Psychologist Daniel Kahneman (2011) describes how we rely largely on our fast, automatic thought process. In a fraction of a second, we assess situations and people—including our assumptions.
Aaron Beck (1976) shows that beliefs arise from mental schemas that determine how we interpret new information. If, deep down, you believe , “I’m a burden,” then you won’t ask for help—even if there are people who do want to support you.

Implicit assumptions play a major role in the lives of people with mild intellectual disabilities (MID): “He doesn’t understand that anyway,” or “Just leave that to the caregiver.” As a result, they have less opportunity to form relationships on their own—even though that is often exactly what they need.

Under stress and in culture: assumptions become stronger

We don’t always make assumptions in the same way. When we’re under stress, we judge more quickly, fall back on set patterns, and seek safety in the familiar—including in our social behavior.

Culture also plays a role. In a society where self-reliance is the norm, we’re more inclined to think, “Everyone should be able to manage on their own.” Such beliefs creep into our actions—whether as professionals, neighbors, or family members—and can actually stand in the way of connection.

Assumptions help us, too

Without assumptions, we wouldn't be able to function. They provide clarity, speed, and direction. They help us make sense of the world.
The challenge isn't in having assumptions—it's in failing to recognize them.

By becoming aware of your assumptions, you create space—space to see things differently, to listen anew, and to form new connections.

It starts with you

Assumptions are a part of life. They help us, but they can also limit us.
By recognizing them, we create space for nuance, genuine connection, and new bonds.
It starts with you. With a single thought. A single conversation. A single open-ended question. It all starts with you. With a single thought, a single conversation, a single open-ended question.

Practicing with Less Detail, More Openness

Would you like to practice being less specific and more open? Try these suggestions:

• Do you recognize your assumption
  Ask yourself: What am I actually assuming here? Have I verified this?
• NIVEA: Don't Fill In for Someone Else
  Replace "fill in" with "ask." For example, say:
  "I find myself thinking that you don't like this—is that actually true?"
• Reflect on a conversation
  What did you think beforehand? What turned out to be true? What surprised you?
• Work with the MLM-tool
  By highlighting who is actually in your network, you can break through preconceived notions about who you can approach.
• State an intention
  "Today, I really want to listen, without jumping to conclusions or reacting right away." 

Want to practice more? Check out our DOE’ts.

Sources

Kahneman, D. (2011). *Thinking, Fast and Slow*. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

According to Kahneman (2011), we almost automatically rely on fast, intuitive thought patterns...

 Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and Emotional Disorders. International Universities Press.

Beck (1976) describes how beliefs, as mental schemas, guide our behavior...

Fiske, S. T., Cuddy, A. J. C., & Glick, P. (2007). Universal dimensions of social cognition: Warmth and competence. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 11(2), 77–83. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2006.11.005

Research by Fiske, Cuddy, and Glick (2007) shows that we judge people very quickly, first based on their commitment and intent, and only then based on their competence or expertise.